The end of many long months

Sometimes I think that if we had the means to adopt I wouldn't be so obsessive about getting pregnant. But, for us right now, the only way to grow our little family is the "old fashion" way and it's not working! I'm frustrated. I typically wouldn't write about such a personal struggle, but I need to purge myself of my frustrations so that I can move forward (hopefully) somewhat more centered and peaceful. I get angry every month because every month, try as we might, there is never a positive sign. And, for so many, it seems so easy, so effortless, so unexpected. While for us it's aggravating, angering, and heartbreaking.
I know that we were blessed with one wonderful little boy, so I should be grateful and shut up! But I can't. I can't imagine Max being an only child. That doesn't feel right to me. And, I'm impatient so I want him to have a sibling now, not later. And, I'd love to adopt!!! But, it costs too much money. What's a family to do?
I have such unrealistic thoughts about why we can't get pregnant and it's beginning to make me feel a bit crazy. I need to find a way to let go of my desire to get pregnant, and be at peace with where I'm at and what's happening in my life at this exact moment. But how? The more you try to put it out of your mind, the more it creeps in and nags at you. I'm just tired of trying and failing. I'm tired of trying to make this happen with NO results. It's like running in place. I'm frustrated and tired and sad.